Why is it so hard to ask for help?
Asking for help. It should be easy. But for some of us, it’s nearly impossible. Hell, who am I kidding? Sometimes it is impossible.
Take building this website as an example. It could have been done in two months flat. I had the help from very best developers I know (https://www.creativeskills.nl/) and every form of support I could have ever needed in my network.
Instead, it took me long enough to:
- want to get pregnant
- get pregnant,
- grow to term,
- have the baby,
- watch said baby grow to be seven months old…
before I finally got around to almost finishing it. Read that again. IT’S NOT EVEN FINISHED YET! I’m so close I am still not there yet. I could pull out my own hair in frustration. You know why?
Because I can’t will myself to solve IT technical difficulties. I can’t force my way through server errors. I can’t ignore never-ending loading pages. And no matter how optimistic I am, if the server is experiencing issues, I am never going to be able to upload the photos, training, or content I want. It’s just not going to happen. And if I don’t reach out for help, these problems will persist forever. At some point, all the other work has been done, and there’s no more room for procrastination. So… I went through the seven stages of grief, pouted, and then finally put on my big-girl pants and called the website developers, who were happy to help and had me on my way the same day. If only I hadn’t waited months to get to this point. But learning a new skill takes practice. Hindsight is 20-20, And I got there in the end. Or, I will. See? That self-sabotaging energy is strong in some of us.
This is a long walk for a short drink of water. The point is that I get worked up about something as small as finishing a website.
What if it’s your life that’s on hold?
It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to feel entirely stuck, on your own, on your last leg. The problem is that when we feel like this, it feels like it will last forever. Like there’s no way out. And the worst part?
Sometimes we don’t even feel it anymore. We’ve successfully convinced ourselves that we’re fine, when we’re not. We don’t need something as silly as mental support, right? So we refresh the page, check our Wi-Fi signal and speed, work on everything other than the one roadblock that requires our focus, and pile on the inner critic telling us we don’t need help.
If we translate mental health into IT, how many tabs are currently open in your mind?
How many unread emails do you have? Does your operating system need an update? Sometimes all you need is a little IT support for your mental health. Someone to show you how to run a trustworthy antivirus program, delete your cookies, solve server problems, and invest in more RAM so all your programs can run smoothly together.
Reach out to your loved ones. Tell your friends. Call me, if need be.
You don’t have to do it alone!